A good listener is the best friend in times of grief

“I lost my husband a year ago and now no-one wants to talk about him. I don’t think they know what to say”.

I heard this recently at a bereavement journey course. Sadly, this is a common experience for those who are grieving. 

One elderly friend told me that since her husband had died, she’d become quite isolated and lonely. I asked her what I could do to help and she assured me all she needed was someone who would listen. She wanted to talk about her husband and how she missed him, to share some of her treasured memories, and even some of the jokes he was fond of telling (she caveated these by saying ‘well he was a rugby player!’). I have learnt that the best thing you can do for someone who is grieving is to be a good listener.

I think the expression “being lonely in a crowd” can be very true. This lady had a good social life, but she still felt disconnected because few (if any) understood or wanted to listen to what she was going through. It is possible for a bereaved person to spend time with friends or family but have few opportunities to talk about the loved one they have lost. To add to the sense of isolation there can be an unsaid expectation that the bereft person should be over the death if it happened a long while ago. There’s a general lack of understanding in society of how grief works, and this can create a sense of disconnected from others and lead to resentment and anger.

Yet there is hope because Jesus said those who mourn are blessed and will be comforted. God will never leave us. The Bible tells us: "For I am sure that neither death nor life ... nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."